|Photo found here.|
You daydream as you eat your lunch, and the day passes by in a blur of warmth, hope, and affection. He could be the one.You imagine your first dates, his proposal, your glorious wedding. The laughter of your kids as they run through the house. His hand in yours as your face life, together.
It doesn’t seem so wrong to pass the time daydreaming like this, but in reality, it is frightening: you are building an emotional bond with a man to whom you haven’t spoken more than three words! Sometimes with a man who doesn’t even exist! I’ve been emotionally invested in many fictional characters, and the age of middle school and high school was ripe for idealized obsession of pop stars, actors, and the boy in my science class! What is the fruit of that emotional bond? Usually disappointment, hurt, and worry. It is better to have not built that bond in the first place.
Topic: “What is the distinction between being sexy vs. being desirable?”
“Now the girl is sensible, courageous, and very beautiful.”
– St. Raphael, describing Sarah to Tobiah
I am not Megan Fox.
When I was in college, a group of guys used to call me “Megan Fox.” Though they meant it to be flattering, I always felt uncomfortable with the nickname. “I don’t really look like her,” I’d say with a laugh, hoping they’d agree and forget it. You see, I’d never heard anyone saying something about Megan Fox’s brain or the tender way she cared for her then-boyfriend/now-husband’s son. No, she was reduced to one word: sexy. Or two words: smoking hot.
There was another way I wanted to be viewed, though I wasn’t able to articulate it then. I wanted to be desirable, to be someone described as“having pleasing qualities or properties…worth seeking…attractive.” (That’s from the dictionary, not a faith book, friends!) Desirable doesn’t crown sexuality as the most important aspect of a woman, nor does it deny sexuality. It just integrates it. You are wanted for more than your body! You are worth more than your body shape or size! You’re a woman a man can pursue, not just a woman who can arouse.
It is not our place as friends and girlfriends to be sexually suggesting with the men in our lives. Men don’t need any additional graphics or words to throw a wrench in their efforts to live chastely. They need women who respect and aid their desire to live chastely; in turn, they will do the same for us.
This doesn’t mean we have to hide our beauty and our sexuality, either! We just integrate it and ask others to follow our example. One day when we’re married, sexiness with be an aspect of our chaste lives, but at this time it has to be kept on the down low.