You daydream as you eat your lunch, and the day passes by in a blur of warmth, hope, and affection. He could be the one.You imagine your first dates, his proposal, your glorious wedding. The laughter of your kids as they run through the house. His hand in yours as your face life, together.
It doesn’t seem so wrong to pass the time daydreaming like this, but in reality, it is frightening: you are building an emotional bond with a man to whom you haven’t spoken more than three words! Sometimes with a man who doesn’t even exist! I’ve been emotionally invested in many fictional characters, and the age of middle school and high school was ripe for idealized obsession of pop stars, actors, and the boy in my science class! What is the fruit of that emotional bond? Usually disappointment, hurt, and worry. It is better to have not built that bond in the first place.
The minute I heard this I began to seethe. Literally turned red, blood boiling, hands shaking. Because who DARES to tell my beautiful, delightful friend that unless she decides to devalue sex, her body, her soul, she won’t be able to find a husband? WHO DARES?
Isn’t the body the Temple of the Holy Spirit?
Can we get a little respect please?
If you have a brain, heart, dreams, and want a meaningful, chaste relationship, you might as well give up?
You’re only worth one part of your body, didn’t you know!
If you have a vagina and are willing to play, you’re in! If not, you’re out!
When Jesus saw his Father’s Temple turned into a marketplace, he was consumed with zeal, drove out the livestock with with a whip, and overturned tables in anger (John 2: 15-16). Maybe it’s time to show our anger. No more mincing words. Call the hook up culture for what is it: blatant use of another person’s body. Remind people that IT IS NOT OKAY. I don’t care if two people agree to use each other. I don’t care if it feels good. I don’t care if you don’t care. IT IS NOT OKAY.
My sister and I once had a conversation that went something like this:
Me: So your friends are dating?
Sister: No, hooking up.
Me: They really like each other?
Sister: Uhh, they’re just hooking up.
Me: So they’re using each other?
Sister: I mean, if you want to put it that way…
Well, yes, I do want to put it that way. Because that’s what it is, and I’m disgusted by it. That someone might dare to view my family members or my friends as one body part, specifically one naked body part, makes my blood boil. Each person is a unique, beloved child of God, and our culture wants to make us into nothing more than writhing masses. It’s sickening. It’s maddening. It’s disgusting.
Time to start cracking the whip!