The Mother’s Dilemma

Because I’ve been slacking this whole week on my Bright Maiden post, I’ve decided to double it as my 7 Quick Takes for the week! YEAH!


ONE

TBM Topic 33: Stay-At-Home vs. Working Mothers

“The Mother’s Dilemma” by Julie Robison
“On Motherhood” by Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We’re here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!

TWO

The first thing I think about my childhood is chocolate chip ice cream cones, us kids running through the sprinkler, and my mom wearing a headband and swimsuit while she sat in the sun, watching us and reading. What was she reading, you ask?

Oh, you know. The norm. Her cancer research.

Ironic, I know.

My mom is an oncology clinical nurse specialist – that is, an educator, a researcher, article writer, book editor, and well-beloved member of the hospital she’s worked at for most of my life.

My mom has also been a Brownie leader, Cub Scout mom, volleyball and soccer coach, a good-enough cook, eater and maker of anything involving chocolate, a good listener, too fair of a judge, encouraging card writer, presents just because buyer, and mom to six kids.

These six kids:

We’re the kids your mom probably warned you about

THREE

My mom is super woman. My Dad has had to ask that she not head up so many committees because she keeps getting elected to lead organizations. She was “Woman of the Year” at our high school alma mater, Employee of the Year (twice!) at her hospital, and this year she was nominated for “Healthcare Hero” from her hospital, in a city-wide event.

My mom comes from a family where most women are stay-at-home moms, and she definitely forged her own path. She gave up going to medical school so that she could have more scheule flexibility, since she and Dad wanted lots of kids so she could make us dress in matching outfits for pictures. (See below.)

Christmas card!

FOUR

This choice to work has had its perks and downfalls, but I certainly cannot imagine our family life without my mother working as she does. She’s a role model in how to deal with tricky situations, time management, multi-tasking, and keeping cheerful when the going gets tough. With so many kids, Mom has really been able to help out the family financially. It also provides an outlet for her to receive outside appreciation in an area where she truly excels.

Mom in her makeshift office during hospital renovations

All woman need this kind of outlet: my maternal grandmother is hostess, flower-arranger, tennis player, and thoughtfulness unlimited extraordinaire. One aunt is a speech pathologist and professor; she is also amazing at sewing and handmade most costumes for her two girls, which were consequently passed down to us six (and held up well!).

Another aunt paints and takes wonderful pictures, which is a skill she’s able to contribute to a cancer non-profit she volunteers with. A couple aunts stay at home with their kids and are active at their schools. A couple more work full-time.

All the women in my life have been amazing inspirations for me, and are wonderful at what they do, and this is where I have a beef with this “debate” about women in the work force.

FIVE

There are as many types of mothers as there are children. My mother, for instance, could not work the way she does if she had a special-needs child. My mother could not have worked as she did when we were younger if my parents could not have afforded extra help. My mother might have had to work more if my father was unemployed, deceased, or not around. My mother may also prefer to work so as to better handle her children’s shenanigans (pure conjecture).

We don’t have special needs, we’re just “special”…

My mother is not a stay-at-home mom. She decorates the house for every major and minor holiday, is constantly organizing, and pushes through enough loads of laundry a week to keep her active children clothed. She’s never been much of a cook, but she learned and keeps us kids healthy. As much as she loves us, she loves work too. Moreover, she never neglected us and always makes us feel loved. Just because one woman stays home with her kids, it does not diminish another mother’s out-of-home pursuits.

Moreover, working women is not a “new phenomena.” Women have been putting in their fair share since cave men needed to cook the water buffalo they brought down. So is the question more about equality?

When people say women are being “kept down” because they don’t get paid as much as men, I wonder where those numbers are coming from: is this an apples and oranges comparison? Are different jobs being compared or are men and women working the same job and not being paid the same? (Or is it both?)

Nevertheless, if women’s power is only showed through a paycheck or a work title, then women are being under-sold and under appreciated.

It must be difficult for a woman to feel she is a competent partner to her husband if she herself does not see her work at home as worthwhile. The marriage partnership between men and women cannot be had without mutual understanding, a willingness to pitch in and listen, respect of self and others, and love. It has nothing to do with how many times a person made dinner verses how many times the other person mowed the lawn.

In my life time, I have seen mostly scorn towards the idea of a woman staying home with her children. But isn’t that like teaching? And isn’t teaching a worthwhile venture? The formation of little minds and souls? To overemphasize a woman’s need to be fruitful outside the home diminishes all efforts done within it. Women are so much more than their job title, and motherhood is more than bearing and raising children.

SIX 

As I prepare for marriage, I’m in the midst of planning: planning a wedding, planning a move out of my parents’ house, planning another move out of the state for B.’s residency (starting 6 or so months after the wedding), planning family finances, and planning for grad school.

I’m also planning and praying about working. I’m not convinced the stay at home without working life is for me, nor would I like to have a time-consuming job outside the home with little ones underfoot.

Most of us in super-hot Tennessee

Women have an awesome opportunity to kick “typical” to the curb and try their hand at new adventures. While men have the duty and responsibility to provide for their family, women have the opportunity to create a home. This home will be run according for the parents, their needs and desires, rooted ultimately in the best they can offer their children.

If the woman works outside the home, the family will function as such.
If the woman works in the home, the family will function as such.
If the woman’s work is the home, the family will function as such.

There is no right answer when it comes to one’s vocation, as long as it is properly aligned with God and your loved ones.

SEVEN

I’m excited to be a mom. One way I’m inadvertently preparing for this is my part-time babysitting job for a neighboring family. The mom works from home, and I am so glad I get to help their little unit function well. I get to dress her kids, play with her kids, feed her kids, and cart them around. I know she loves to do that too, but I know it’s also nice to have a break, get some work done, go to an exercise class, get lunch with her mom, and spend time with friends.

In this life balance we seek, kids are only a burden to the unimaginative. Motherhood is a special role only women can fill and it is in our feminine genius to discern how best to serve one’s family in that way. If physical motherhood is not attainable for women (for those called to a religious or chaste single life), then spiritual motherhood is, by being a kind woman children can look up to, other adults can respect, and that awesome aunt kids love to have.

Nothing in this life is less clear-clear cut or for the faint of heart, but being a Mom is certainly the most important job that no one can properly label.

Aunts, Grandmother, Mother: real-life feminine geniuses

What are your thoughts on motherhood and working?

(Thanks to Jen for hosting!)

It Happened One Night

Another engagement picture with B., who loves me.

The Bright Maidens talk s-e-x! (Not that any of us have actually, you know, done that.)

We also talk about love, relationships, God, yada-yada-yada. It’s pretty awesome and humbling.

The ever lovely Pat Gohn had us (again!) on her Among Women podcast and featured us on her blog.

This interview is Part II; see here for the awesome Part I interview on what young people are so dang excited about in our Catholic Church (2,000+ years and still kickin’ out encyclicals!).

Thanks for listening! Any thoughts on what we talked about? Anything you’d like to see us talk about more?

Shameless plugs/ resources:
Me on G+
Me on Twitter
Bright Maidens on Facebook
Bright Maidens on Twitter
Pat Gohn’s Among Women Podcast on Facebook
Pat Gohn on Twitter

Is The Spirit So Willing?

TBM Topic 30: Forgive Offenses Willingly

“Is The Spirit So Willing?” by Julie Robison
Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We’re here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!


During Lent, we will be discussing the Spiritual Works of Mercy.

As I write this post, I begrudgingly admit I am working on forgiving someone for saying something that hurt my pride. I am currently working on cleaning out my room. I am getting married in less than nine months and, in good conscience, I cannot bring into this marriage my very own section of some rain forest.

I have books. Hundreds of books. Then there’s the one box from grade school, and two boxes from high school, the huge bin of magazines, and the multiple drawers and boxes of college papers I have yet to go through. Then there’s my research, for current and pending projects, and five shoe boxes of epistolary correspondence. I just started on my sixth this past Christmas.

A member of my family, the Purger, said he’d help me, as long as I sign a contract saying I would not get mad about what he threw away.

Writing messages long gone, unlike my letters. (far L)

“Never!” I protested. “What if you threw away my letters?”

“Why are you saving them anyways? It’s not like you’re Flannery O’Connor. No one is going to read your letters in 50 years.”

“I’m not saving my own letters,” I huffed. “I’m saving responses to my letters.”

The comment stung. Stings. We had to stop the conversation and part on civil terms. I am now typing, depressed in spirit, in my room. Fortunately, I kept cleaning too. I had a church bulletin from the beginning of Lent, and, wouldn’t you know it! Fr. Ed says it best:

I have often thought that it would be nice to have a special name for the final Sunday before the Season of Lent begins. As a culture we have the traditions of Mardi Gras and Carneval during these days, during which people celebrate and eat and “party” before Ash Wednesday. But perhaps the Gospel for this weekend gives us a better tradition to follow: forgiveness. 

We have all heard the old saying, “To err is human, to forgive divine,” and actually it is quite correct. Who alone but God has the power to forgive sins? Who else but God sees all there is to us, both good and bad, and love, understands and absolves? When we were able to forgive one another for the hurts against us, we are, in effect, showing the face of God to those we forgive. Because we are forgiven first by Him we are able to give that gift to others. 

In the Gospel this weekend, a paralytic is brought to Jesus for healing. Little does he expect the first words to him from Jesus: “Child, your sins are forgiven”. After this Jesus says the famous words: “Rise, pick up your mat, and walk”. Why is the other statement first? Because Jesus heals the deepest wounds first. He shows that the physical paralysis of this man is not as important as the spiritual paralysis that can happen when we fall into sin. He heals this first, and does so with great love, even calling the young man “child” as he does. 

What a gift this is for him, and for all of us who have heard the story for the last 2,000 years. Jesus forgives, heals and loves us. Perhaps this gives us an indication of what this final Sunday before Lent can be about: forgiveness, healing and love. In a word, it’s about Jesus.

And in like fashion, I went downstairs and apologized for overreacting, and then told the Purger I forgave him for hurting my pride. And I mean it. If Jesus can suffer death to redeem my sins, then I can swallow my pride, admit I was wrong, and forgive, just like Jesus. Because it really is about him, not you.

Besides: if Anne can forgive Gilbert, anything is possible!

Early in the morning, as they were walking along, they saw the fig tree withered to its roots. Peter remembered and said to him, “Rabbi, look! The fig tree that you cursed has withered.” Jesus said to them in reply, “Have faith in God. Amen, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it shall be done for him.Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours. When you stand to pray, forgive anyone against whom you have a grievance, so that your heavenly Father may in turn forgive you your transgressions. (Mark 11:20-25)

Let the Rain Fall

TBM Topic 20: Moments that remind us God fully exists

“Let the Rain Fall” by Julie Robison
“Little Moments” by Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
“The Mount” by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We’re here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!

You could say I was lookin’ fly. Rain boots with sailboats; orange soccer shorts; a navy blue raincoat pull-over. Correction: I was lookin’ super-fly. I was all set for an impromptu walk in the rain with my boyfriend and his family’s dog.

We walked around his neighborhood, talking and occasionally calling to his dog. We returned to the house wet and happy. It was the end of another fun weekend together. We talked about our future and its possibilities; we laughed and enjoyed each other’s company; we looked at each other and knew we are blessed.

In this past week, I’ve read a couple Why I’m Catholic stories. When non-believers read such conversion stories, they are generally unconvinced. The responses I usually see are “lame” and “unbelievable” and “that person probably wasn’t a real atheist.”

When our Protestant brethren talk the Real Presence of Christ, they are not referring to Transubstantiation. They are talking about knowing Christ and thus recognizing his presence in the sacredness of the ordinary.

My sister taking pictures on the Marienbrucke in Germany

Take rain for instance; it can often have a negative connotation. For instance, the phrases “raining on my parade” and “It was a dark and rainy night,” Adele’s “Set Fire to the Rain” and the Allman Brothers’ “Bad Rain”, and the fact that rain’s usual company, overcast weather, tends to depress people.

Rain can also be renewing. Rainbows come after the rain, as does puddle jumping, more vegetation and horticultural growth, and, as one 11 year old optimist put it, “It makes you appreciate the sunny days that we get and makes them more enjoyable!”

I happen to love the rain. I love walking in it, I love being in it*, I love listening to it, and I am grateful for it. Rain is a blessing, literally from above.

My senior year of college, in my last few weeks, my beloved Aunt died. My thesis was due and the time crunch was too severe, so my family told me not to come down for the funeral. The day of the funeral, I wrote a poem entitled “The Rain.” It rained in Michigan the day of my Aunt’s funeral. I imagined it was God’s tears. (Sentimental, I am.) It is not a great poem (the blog published version is its first draft form), but these last lines partly captures my appreciation and love of rain:

and here I am, still at school, no time to think about leaving,
no more time to cry while my heart still mourns,
but instead relish in the rain: people are running
from building to building and all I think
is how she can no longer feel the rain hit her face
or get cold, or smile, or walk, or skip,
and so I do all of these as I move through the rain,
my funeral procession of one,
the still living.

As I walked through the rain with B. last weekend, I could smile because I am alive. In the rain, I am reminded of God’s covenant with his people. In the rain, I can understand why grace can hurt. Every year on Good Friday, my family prays together on the steps in Mt. Adams for two hours, and every year it rains. Not always exactly at noon, but between the hours of 12 and 3 p.m., the time of Jesus hanging dead on the cross, the sky grows dark and the earth shakes. And then it rains.

My sister and I in the rain as wee tots

It is when it rains that I know God fully exists. It is when I am praying, eyes closed and hands clasped; asking, seeking, knocking – I come before God in faith alone. There is nothing more I can often do but trust. There is nothing to be gained through holding the weight on my shoulders, when Christ already paid the price to have such pains airlifted. In the rain and the discomfort of being wet, I am most receptive and aware of the importance of offering it up to God, whatever “it”** may be for each individual.

Without trying to disconnect my theology from my naturalistic experiences, I’d like to add that rain reminds me of God because we cannot know the ways of rain. It can just as easily be a foe and turn to sleet, hail or ice as it can beautify one’s garden and grass. Rain gives no reason for its coming and going, nor offers sound logic for its patterns. But rain does not answer to me, and neither does God.

During the times when studying theology becomes more theory and less love affair, it is the physicality of rain that appeals to me, just as my physical reception of Holy Communion is necessary, and spending time with our Lord in Eucharistic adoration. It is in Christ that I am alive, and his presence – made actual through the Liturgy or apparent through his world – I cherish, as I grow to know him deeper and in different ways, and so have more Love for him.

Edith Stein once said that God shows himself too much; that he offers too much proof of his existence. I believe that. I think the power and grandeur of God really is too overwhelming for us to truly comprehend. God shows himself, as Jesus said in the Gospel on Sunday, in the poor, sick, homeless, and imprisoned. I think he also shows himself through the beauty of art, music, science, the wideness of the galaxy, and the intrinsic complexity of the world. This world says to me, there is a God and he is good, because he made this for us. God did not make evil, which taints the world, but he can sanctify it.

In this same vein, I believe rain is a sanctifying agent in the world. It renews. It revives. It gives hope. It can tear down in order to make us build up again. It takes away so that the Lord may giveth. Rain, so ordinary, is so sacred. With every drop of rain comes a blessing to be counted, and I’m thankful the rain reminds me of God’s graciousness and from whom all blessings flow.

What do you think of the rain? What kind of moments is God fully alive to you?

*My sister may correct me here; walking up a huge hill to a castle in Germany in a downpour with our tour group was not an overly agreeable experience; if only I had remembered my rain jacket!
**For some, it is shrubbery!

Have a blessed Thanksgiving, dear readers! Here is some extra reading: “The Weight of Glory” by C.S. Lewis

On Sundays I’m Shameless: FOLLOW ME! (I Changed My Twitter Handle Name Too)

Hey y’all! I’ve changed my Twitter handle from @juliemrobison to @thejulieview for FIVE reasons:

1. It connects my Twitter account more to my blog (The Corner With A View)
2. It takes out my last name, which I’ll eventually change legally anyways
3. It has a nice ring to it, ja?
4. It is shorter, so people can say more to me (From 125 characters to 126! YEAH!)
5. Branding! I’m so savvy.

FOLLOW ME! 

Two of my siblings and me during intermission of another sister’s play. We’re a fun bunch. (Follow me.)

Also, if you read my blog but don’t subscribe, could I make a request? Make yourself known and subscribe? I know you’re out there. Yes, I’m talking to you.

I’m on Google Plus too.


More shamelessness:

Two more websites you should all read are The Imaginative Conservative and Virtuous Planet.

I’m one of the three Bright Maidens, which sponsors conversations on any topic pertaining to women, The Catholic Church, and fun times. Feel free to follow us too!
The Bright Maidens’ Twitter Account 
The Bright Maidens’ Facebook Fan Page 
My counterparts: Elizabeth is on the Twittah and so is Trista!

Thank you! Much obliged to you for humoring me, folks. Have a blessed Sunday!

Cootie Shots and Conundrums

TBM Topic 17: Emotional Chastity

“Cootie Shots and Conundrums” by Julie Robison
“Daydream Believers and Emotional Disasters” by Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
“Easy Bake Love Story” by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We’re here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!

In the second grade, I received a cootie shot/ anti-boy inoculation from a retractable lead pencil. Don’t worry, it was given to me by a professional- my seatmate had given them to nearly every other girl in the class too. From then on, I was (mostly) immune to male charms. I was one of the few girls still playing soccer with the boys in junior high. I focused on making good friends, both male and female, in high school. I was realistic about dating in college, following the sage wisdom of my parents: A date isn’t a proposal. A dance isn’t a commitment. Enjoying another person’s company doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together forever.

Emotional chastity is about protecting your heart. It does not mean being unwilling to give it, but rather, give it selflessly, without regard to return. A perfect example of this is Elinor from Sense and Sensibility. She really liked Edward, but when she found out he was secretly engaged to another woman, she protected her feelings and let life play itself out. On the opposite side, her sister Marianne committed crimes of emotional exhibitionism. Fortunately, for us readers as well as both Dashwood sisters, true love wins out in the end.

I’ll give a more probably example: menfolk as friends. I’ve never believed the old adage of “men and women can’t be friends.” I think such generalities are poppycock. Friendship, like love, is a choice and an action. Attraction, on the other hand, is not.

On of the biggest conundrums women face today is the acceptability of “friends with benefits.” Girl meets guy. They become friends. They’re not interested in each other, so they only pursue friendship. Then, something changes. They start to feel attracted towards each other. What then?

One of possibility is to pursue a relationship.

Another possibility is to have a mature conversation and decide friendship is the best course of action.

Then, there is technically a third option. Really, a fraction of a choice, an algebraic mixture of the above: the friendship as the core, plus the heart-break, minus the commitment, and plenty of unknown variables. Friends with benefits is possibly one of the worst violations of emotional chastity. The benefits are purely physical. It is a utilitarian friendship where two people seek something from the other person. Neither party will grow as a human being because humanity needs virtue and goodness, not consensual vices or an emulation of shallowness, to flourish.

Here are two recent Hollywood examples:

Exhibit A, “Friends with Benefits” (2011)

Exhibit B, “No Strings Attached” (2011)

I would like to point out that both movies involve the complication of falling in genuine love with the other person. Do you think anyone would want to watch the movie if the people only submitted to their animalistic natures, opposed to rising above the banal situation towards the true, goodness and beauty of Love?

What a conundrum the modern world is in! Even if one does not participate in the friends-with-benefits arena, watching these type of movies, reading chick lit and endlessly daydreaming about a future with someone you have not had that type of conversation with is hazardous to feminine mental health. The unrealistic expectations set up by thinking about handsome men and allowing one’s mind to wander into fictional romance does not allow the heart to grow towards genuine love, which comes with time, honesty, purpose and virtue.

Self-control, therefore, is what is most needed in emotional chastity. It means not dwelling on the good times. It means not over-analyzing every word a cute guy said to you. It means not planning out one’s future with the man you’ve started dating or just met. It is not easy, and requires constant vigilance. This does not mean one cannot enjoy romance, consider the future or giggle over cuteness. But people want mature love, which can only be achieved through pure intentions and not rushing into emotional bonds.

The best advice I’ve been given on the subject came from my bestie Julia, before I started dating B. It also happens to be the advice I gave her before she started dating her now-husband. To achieve happiness in life, you have to be content with yourself. More importantly, though, you have to be content with your situation.

If you are single and praying every night for love to find you, I suggest praying instead for God to give you purpose in your singleness. This, like most things, may only be a season, and use it as a way to serve God more fully. If you feel called towards the vocation of marriage, God will provide.

If you’re still feeling like you’re in a pickle, I suggest an old-school cootie shot. All you need is a #2 retractable pencil and a second grader to administer a dose of perspective!

The Adventures of the Irish-German Family Robisons

Just a heads up, my family is going on vacation, which means I’m taking a blogging vacation too.

If you need me, we’ll be in the South because Lord knows, when it’s hot, it can always get hotter. Also, my sister found a cabin on a lake where our dog is allowed to frolic too.

How could we leave her behind?!

Emily of Day in the Life tagged me in a blog meme where you pick seven of your favorite blog posts. I’m sure I’ll miss a few, but here goes:

1. Most Beautiful Post(s)

“What is Real? asked the Rabbit” — later became my first post for TIC

“Master, to whom shall we go?” — Thomas Aquinas’ poetry and reflecting on the Eucharist

2. Most Popular Post(s)

“Hail, Mary!” and “Hillsdating and Other False Realities” both cleared over 1,000 views each.

3. Most Controversial Post

“Going to the Mattresses: One Girl’s Take on Faith and Feelings”Bright Maidens post no. 5, my issue(s) with the Catholic Church (for more insight into my thoughts on this subject, here is an earlier post/ excerpt from a FOC letter: “Flannery on Faith and Feelings”)

4. Most Helpful Post(s)

“I will be the one/ Drenched in Proverbs 31” — someone else’s helpfulness

“A Last Lecture, How Romantic” — a former professor and an excerpt from his wonderful article (which I heard as a last lecture), “The Romance of Domesticity”

“What’s Love Got To Do, Got To Do With It?” — most helpful post to me and my future discernment, especially in understanding the idea of wives submitting to their husbands and what that means

“Tamed, Thanks to Hillsdale College” — Dr. Jackson’s spring 2010 convocation speech is amazing, especially his voice, his beard and his discussion of Le Petite Prince

“I been leavened by the yeast he don’t believe in,” he said, “and I won’t be burned.” — from my college days; an excerpt from a FOC short story and one scholar’s take on it (and life)

5. Post(s) Whose Success Surprised You

“Saint Who?” — Bright Maidens post no. 4 on patron saints; nicest shout-out ever on CatholicVote

Also, “And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church” — a short quote by Pope Benedict XVI on making the Church “more attractive” and “credible”

6. A Post You Feel Didn’t Get the Attention it Deserved

“Thursdays with My Mom’s Side” — death of a dear one, James Joyce, W.H. Auden, and coming home.

7. Post you’re Most Proud of

“Oh College Days, What Art Thou?” — a response to a friend who graduated summa cum laude

Here are some more honorable mentions:

“Confessions of the Un-Domestic” — is a person born domestic? or is domesticity thrust upon them?

“Happy Birthday, William Faulkner!” — read him.

“Homeless in Columbus” — a fateful meeting with a homeless man and his poetry

“Shun the Hipsters” — from a Paris Review interview with John Updike

“A Caucus-Race! In Alexandria, not Wonderland” — a game I played walking to the metro

Fun trivia from Weez and the USCCB: this week is NFP Awareness Week! Who knew?

The Bright Maidens reached 200 FOLLOWERS over the weekend; have you “liked” us on FB yet? Our next topic will be summer reading and will be due the first Tuesday in August.

See y’all in August!