PDA: Pets, Drama and Attention

TBM Topic 19: PDA in the Digital Age

“PDA: Pets, Drama and Attention” by Julie Robison
Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite – on a blogging break of sorts
“Hold your tongues” by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We’re here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!

Allow me to begin with a male friend’s sentiments on the subject of Facebook PDA: “It is an abomination. It’ll probably earns you time in Purgatory, which I don’t believe in- but if I did, it would earn you time there. LOTS of it.”

We were discussing pictures, mostly, as well as wall posts of “Hey. I like you.” and other, much more discriminatory sentiments. I gathered more intel- my few friends are generally ambivalent to the occasional show of couple cuteness. I tended to agree with them. I felt my thesis collapsing. Then I had a terrible realization: I am guilty.

No, not with my boyfriend. We’re always smiling, with the one exception of him surprise kissing my cheek. No, I am guilty with Heidi, the beloved family pet. There are few things Robisons enjoy sharing more than adorable pictures of our mutt. For example:

Halloween Heidi! Photo and costume credit: my sister Kato

That’s not all. In this past week, while cleaning my room and writing, Heidi chilled with me. I took advantage of the situation:

I captured the puppy!

Typical.

 

Zoolander faces.

Snuggle-buggles!

I know. This is getting shameless. You might have even skimmed over the last ones. I don’t blame you. Our mutual love can be overwhelming!

Now, imagine if these pictures had been with humans. A big theme in Catholic romance is protecting one’s heart. The reason FB PDA bothers me is because I see it as exhibitionism. Constantly writing on FB about how much you love your significant other may be a sweet gesture, but it can easily become annoying and trite. I think there are very tasteful ways of doing it as well; one of my engaged besties has a far-away shot of her kissing her now-fiance after they got engaged. (His sister was taking pictures from afar!) I love seeing that sweet moment captured.

But what about the make-out albums? Oh, you know the ones I’m talking about. Scenic picture, kissing picture, smiling picture, kissing picture, kissing picture, kissing picture, scenic picture, smiling picture, and so on. It’s very true that one does not need to look at them. Like some terrible whirlpool, you the viewer get sucked in, unable to look away, fascinated by the endurance and amount of saliva being exchanged with the passing of each frame.

Then you go on to live your life, pledging to never post pictures like that on FB.

But Julie! You just posted an obnoxious amount of Heidi pictures!

True. But only the first one was on FB; the rest are from my private collection. They are also of my pet, which I think makes a slight difference. Perhaps not in principle, but in practice. Pet pictures do not encourage drama. Human pictures of relationships do, be it couples or friends. Pictures of girls in suggestive poses, even if it is meant as a joke, can be provocative for the viewer. Pictures of couples kissing can be overwhelming in reaction.

If the intention is to show off the relationship or prove something (as another friend pointed out), the picture serves to attract attention, not affection or “d’awwwws!” We humans are not islands, and FB’s purpose is to connect people. The very pictures being shared can serve to disconnect people.

I have no rules for engagement. That’s up to each person’s individual reason and prudence to decide. Kindness towards others is not just how you act towards them, but how you display yourself. Your self-image is how people gauge what kind of person you are and how they should act. Affection can be shown reasonably and tastefully, but is can also be lessened when shared with too many. A special moment is more often felt than shown, and too much FB can be voyeuristic.

From earlier this year: can you tell how much we love each other?

Happy Friday!

Cootie Shots and Conundrums

TBM Topic 17: Emotional Chastity

“Cootie Shots and Conundrums” by Julie Robison
“Daydream Believers and Emotional Disasters” by Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
“Easy Bake Love Story” by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We’re here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!

In the second grade, I received a cootie shot/ anti-boy inoculation from a retractable lead pencil. Don’t worry, it was given to me by a professional- my seatmate had given them to nearly every other girl in the class too. From then on, I was (mostly) immune to male charms. I was one of the few girls still playing soccer with the boys in junior high. I focused on making good friends, both male and female, in high school. I was realistic about dating in college, following the sage wisdom of my parents: A date isn’t a proposal. A dance isn’t a commitment. Enjoying another person’s company doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together forever.

Emotional chastity is about protecting your heart. It does not mean being unwilling to give it, but rather, give it selflessly, without regard to return. A perfect example of this is Elinor from Sense and Sensibility. She really liked Edward, but when she found out he was secretly engaged to another woman, she protected her feelings and let life play itself out. On the opposite side, her sister Marianne committed crimes of emotional exhibitionism. Fortunately, for us readers as well as both Dashwood sisters, true love wins out in the end.

I’ll give a more probably example: menfolk as friends. I’ve never believed the old adage of “men and women can’t be friends.” I think such generalities are poppycock. Friendship, like love, is a choice and an action. Attraction, on the other hand, is not.

On of the biggest conundrums women face today is the acceptability of “friends with benefits.” Girl meets guy. They become friends. They’re not interested in each other, so they only pursue friendship. Then, something changes. They start to feel attracted towards each other. What then?

One of possibility is to pursue a relationship.

Another possibility is to have a mature conversation and decide friendship is the best course of action.

Then, there is technically a third option. Really, a fraction of a choice, an algebraic mixture of the above: the friendship as the core, plus the heart-break, minus the commitment, and plenty of unknown variables. Friends with benefits is possibly one of the worst violations of emotional chastity. The benefits are purely physical. It is a utilitarian friendship where two people seek something from the other person. Neither party will grow as a human being because humanity needs virtue and goodness, not consensual vices or an emulation of shallowness, to flourish.

Here are two recent Hollywood examples:

Exhibit A, “Friends with Benefits” (2011)

Exhibit B, “No Strings Attached” (2011)

I would like to point out that both movies involve the complication of falling in genuine love with the other person. Do you think anyone would want to watch the movie if the people only submitted to their animalistic natures, opposed to rising above the banal situation towards the true, goodness and beauty of Love?

What a conundrum the modern world is in! Even if one does not participate in the friends-with-benefits arena, watching these type of movies, reading chick lit and endlessly daydreaming about a future with someone you have not had that type of conversation with is hazardous to feminine mental health. The unrealistic expectations set up by thinking about handsome men and allowing one’s mind to wander into fictional romance does not allow the heart to grow towards genuine love, which comes with time, honesty, purpose and virtue.

Self-control, therefore, is what is most needed in emotional chastity. It means not dwelling on the good times. It means not over-analyzing every word a cute guy said to you. It means not planning out one’s future with the man you’ve started dating or just met. It is not easy, and requires constant vigilance. This does not mean one cannot enjoy romance, consider the future or giggle over cuteness. But people want mature love, which can only be achieved through pure intentions and not rushing into emotional bonds.

The best advice I’ve been given on the subject came from my bestie Julia, before I started dating B. It also happens to be the advice I gave her before she started dating her now-husband. To achieve happiness in life, you have to be content with yourself. More importantly, though, you have to be content with your situation.

If you are single and praying every night for love to find you, I suggest praying instead for God to give you purpose in your singleness. This, like most things, may only be a season, and use it as a way to serve God more fully. If you feel called towards the vocation of marriage, God will provide.

If you’re still feeling like you’re in a pickle, I suggest an old-school cootie shot. All you need is a #2 retractable pencil and a second grader to administer a dose of perspective!

The Next Bright Maidens Post Will Be…

Topic number 16 will be “What is the distinction between being sexy vs. being desirable?”

Let’s get those posts in next Tuesday, folks! Post on (and LIKE!) our TBM Facebook page and tweet the Bright Maidens too!

Do y’all have any topics you’d like to see us write on? Leave a comment or send an e-mail!

I’ll post about Germany soon too. It was an amazing trip and I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to travel with my sister. We stayed in Munich and Berlin in Germany, and went to Neuschwanstein Castle and Salzburg, Austria in the week we were together. I spent six hours in the Frankfurt airport too, which was a trip in itself.

If y’all could keep my part-time job search in your prayers too, that would be great. I have tons of writing and reading to do for work, and I’m trying to keep that happy balance of work, looking for more work and sleep. I also have an interview with Pat Gohn for her Among Women podcast on Thursday– I’ll post it here when it goes up!

RCIA started up again last night! I am the youngest team member. We have a new priest in charge, too, who knew my last name was pronounced like Robinson, but without the “n” in the middle. I think that means we are going to be best friends. Please keep all inquirers into the faith in your prayers!

Busy week, but blessed to be able to keep up. Have a great Tuesday, folks!

UPDATE: See Bryan Kemper’s blog for Fr. Pavone’s statement! Sports Illustrated published a perfectly wonderful and inspirational story about a guy who got shot in the head and forgave his aggressor. Oh, here are the all-time worst accents in movies.

Dresses Rule, Pants Drool and Other Facts of Life

TBM Topic 15: The Feminine Genius – The Dress

“Dresses Rule, Pants Drool and Other Facts of Life” by Julie Robison
“Dresses & the Apostolate of Beauty” by Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
“Month of the Dress” by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We’re here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion!

I’ll never forget standing in line for dinner at college. First of all, I’m in line for food I pre-paid for but did not want at present, minus the cereal bar (which I could have eaten in my dorm room).

Secondly, I was standing behind a girl and her boyfriend. The girl had been on the hall I was an RA for; the boyfriend was Trad-Catholic. She said hi and introduced us. I was wearing jeans. He told me girls shouldn’t wear pants. I asked him where Jesus forbade women from wearing pants; was it before or after he gave us the Golden Rule to love our neighbor as ourselves?

Our relationship, as you can guess, did not blossom.

Females hate being told what to do. That is our job, to boss the rest of the world around!

Another reason that particular male upset me is because I actually prefer dresses and skirts, but I also like that I have the opportunity to wear pants (especially in college, while trudging through feet of snow), just as I like that I have the opportunity to vote, hold a job and make my own life decisions.

Females have not only the ability to wear pants, but to look nice in pants, especially if the pair fits well; if the pair also happens comes in a fabulous color, more power to pants!

Would I look cuter wearing pants in this picture? Dubious.

These opportunities, sadly, are few and far between. As Fall approacheth, women ask the big question: where have all the good pants gone? With a decline in tailored clothes, pants now fit awkwardly in order to appease the masses. My sisters and I lament: The butt is too big. The legs are too skinny. These hips don’t lie.

Hence, I love wearing dresses and skirts. There is true genius in this for-female-use-only attire, and here are my top TEN reasons why I think so:

10. Wearing a dress makes girls feel put together and confidant! No matter a girl’s size, few people look dumpy in a dress. Dresses have the ability to make you feel pretty.

So many beautiful girls in beautiful dresses!

9. God made us women to be the most beautiful creatures on earth, inside and out. If we want to show our inner beauty, why not show off our outer beauty too by wearing dresses? Heels are optional; I prefer kitten heels or ballet flats myself.

8. To look (and want to look!) pretty is not vain, unless you only care about your outer appearance. Remember in Jane Eyre? When Jane’s friend had her beautiful curls cut off to keep her from becoming vain? Unnecessary, according to Roman Catholic theology. Beauty is a reflection of God’s goodness in the world.

7. Dresses and skirts help draw attention to the waist, not the hips, unlike pants. More proof that pants are not your friend.

6. Dresses flatter the body much better than pants ever could. Also, you are fully clothed if you are wearing a dress. If you only wore pants, that would be indecent!

5. Dresses are versatile! They can be dressed up and down, based on accessories, fabric and style. You could wear the same dress for a week and look different every day. If boys can wear the same pants every day, why can’t girls wear the same dress? They can also be worn year-round and in any weather, unlike pants and shorts.

Isn’t Bear gorgeous? And her dress? Divine!

4. The colors, Duke, the colors! Not to mention, the patterns, the fabrics, the styles and the occasions that all help make a dress great. Pants can have all of the above too, but the effect would not be the same. Dressing up is like becoming a work of art, and more fully shows your womanly beauty in a wholesome way.

3. Dresses require more effort to be modest. If one is wearing a dress, a lady must cross her legs or ankles. If one’s dress has no sleeves or dips a bit, then a lady must wear extra clothing to cover her shoulders and/ or chest area. A lady loves sundresses, but not short dresses.

2. Dresses are not just for girly-girls. Dresses are for all girls! Dresses are a distinct style that no person can imitate. No girl wears the same dress the exact same way. As Lilly Dache said, “Glamour is what makes a man ask for your telephone number. But it also is what makes a woman ask for the name of your dressmaker.”

1. Dresses are classy. Catholics are classy. Ergo, Catholic girls wear dresses!

Grace Kelly: Catholic, classy and fellow dress wearer

There are, of course, perks to wearing pants too. This is the only one I am willing to concede:

Happy Tuesday!

Goin’ to the Zoo-Zoo-Zoo, How About You-You-You?

On Saturday, my mom took five of us six kids (one of my brothers has mono) and B. to the zoo and we had a fabulous time, even though it was packed with people.

Can you spot me?

The real gorillas were easily 5x bigger.

This bird kept crawling closer to my sister’s face and weirdly trying to lick/ eat her arm
The three little kids – the zoo brings family together!
The gang! (minus Mom)
My good friend from college Bess noted last week how, in NYC, there is a call by PETA to retire horses from their jobs in traffic, be it police or carriages. I think this is silly- as long as the horses are treated well and with respect, they do not need to be “put to pasture.” Shouldn’t they have some sort of purpose in their animal lives too? 

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says:

Animals are God’s creatures. He surrounds them with his providential care. By their mere existence they bless him and give him glory. Thus men owe them kindness. We should recall the gentleness with which saints like St. Francis of Assisi or St. Philip Neri treated animals. God entrusted animals to the stewardship of those whom he created in his own image. Hence it is legitimate to use animals for food and clothing. They may be domesticated to help man in his work and leisure. Medical and scientific experimentation on animals is a morally acceptable practice if it remains within reasonable limits and contributes to caring for or saving human lives (2416-2417).

Happy Tuesday! Here are a few more good reads:
NRO — “Adele vs. Taxes”
NYT — “Exemptions Were Key to Vote on Gay Marriage”
Mises Institute — “The Lovely and Productive World of Thomas”
San Jose Examiner — “Porn Stars Are Abused and are Human Trafficking Victims”
Why I’m Catholic Conversion Stories — “Mormon Convert: Thomas Smith”
First Things — “Illusions of Equality”

Also, the Bright Maidens topic for next Tuesday is TATTOOS. I hope y’all participate! Be sure to post it on our FB wall and on Twitter (hashtag – #BrightMaidens).

What Are You Reading?

I’m back, after a loooong time. Can’t promise consistency, but at least content. Volume 21, baby!

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This week, I bought more books than my New Years’ Resolutions allowed*. I said 3? Well, I meant 8! It’s summer, does that count for anything?

I also renewed two subscriptions (First Things and The New Criterion) and took out a third (Touchstone, because its price was blessedly and severely reduced). I sadly am letting one of my newspapers go, though, and am happy to still have my Wall Street Journal, National Catholic Register, Financial Times, and The Magnificat.

Have you bought any good reads lately? Are you supporting excellent writing and the advancement of intellect?

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Elizabeth is always marveled by how much I read. I thought I’d share the five books I am currently reading (yes, at the same time; I like multitasking):

I got this one for Christmas and am loving it:

Edith Stein and Companions On The Way to Auschwitz by Father Paul Hamans

This thick one will be finished before the summer is out – fantastic and meticulously written and researched:

From Dawn to Decadence: 500 Years of Western Cultural Life by Jacques Barzun

This one is really interesting and insightful:

Philosophy 101 By Socrates by Peter Kreeft

B. lent me this one, and it is hil-arious:

A Practical Guide to Racism by C. H. Dalton

I am listening to this one in the car, and it is, of course, just wonderful:

The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien

In July, I’m going to start Brighton Rock by Graham Greene for my long-distance book club with Tessa and Brenna! Excited to read more Graham Greene – I love The Heart of the Matter and The Power and the Glory. Highly recommend both as well, if people are looking for summer reading recommendations.

Up next: Christopher Dawson, Zora Neale Hurston, Pope Benedict XVI and some Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

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Here is my blog referral of the week: Born After Reagan

My friend Logan started it a few months ago, and now I am excited for the 2012 election just so I can read what he has to say about it!

Why yes, we did meet Ron Paul together three years ago:

CPAC 2008
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The topic for next week’s Bright Maidens‘ post is picked! Next Tuesday, please join us in discussing “Catholic Modesty.”

If you’re a first time participator, all you have to do is write on the same subject and post your response to the topic on our FB wall. Wa-la! If you’re not on FB but still want to participate, e-mail it and we will post it for you to share with the group. If you’re on Twitter, our hashtag is #brightmaidens (with an ‘s’ on the end!) to share posts and tweets.

Also, Bright Maidens refers to we three girls, but we have both males and females participating. The male hashtag on Twitter is #cathdudes if you want to read some some cool Catholic dudes.

A re-cap of last week’s topic, a response to Max Lindenman’s article on “Dating Nice Catholic Girls”:
Elizabeth: On Reading Confused Catholic Writers
Trista: Please Don’t Call Me A Prude
Julie: Help! Help! I’m Being Repressed!

Elizabeth makes a list of all the contributions too, so please check our FB page later for that!

five

I’ve been home for a week, and am still actively learning to adjust to a new sleep schedule, being back at work, and hearing people talk to me in English. As happy as I am to be home, South Korea was an amazing experience. I’ll give you a sneak peek from my weekend in Busan:

This is a kimbab, and the best thing I ate in South Korea (stay tuned!)
Best bathroom sign EVER.
The Eastern Sea, a.k.a. The Sea of Japan. But they don’t like the Japanese, so don’t call it that, please.
The Busan fish market. I’m going to have a whole post on food.

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I’m also going to have a whole post on drinking in South Korea. Here’s me trying authentic Korean beer for the first time:

So innocent.
There are so many patron saints of beer; they obviously did not invoke any of them!

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I bought Adele’s latest album, 21. I seriously do not know why I waited so long. It is wonderful, soul-filled and beautiful.

Here’s “Someone Like You” with Adele talking about why she wrote the song. Warning: I teared up a bit.

She’s a two months younger than me, too. Gives a girl perspective!

Okay, one more, this one upbeat: “Set Fire To The Rain”

SHE IS SO AMAZING. Buy her music. Make her famous and wealthy, she deserves it. I want her singing forever and ever.

Happy Friday, friends! See Conversion Diary for more. Also, say a prayer for Jen! She’s having her baby on Wednesday!!

*I’ve been miserably failing to follow most of my New Years’ resolutions, actually, which is why I take the book buying limit one so seriously!

Have You Filed Your Taxes?

I almost didn’t write one this week but, nonetheless, here is my volume 20:

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Today is not, I repeat, not Tax Day. Tax Day was moved to Monday, because there is a holiday of some sort happening in Washington, D.C. Or, if you work at a tax law firm like I do, then every day is Tax Day!

two

Something I read for class, by Catholic Moral Theologian David Bohr:

The Christian life is like this. Faith is not usually a sudden inspiration that comes out of nowhere. Faith is a habit built up over time by doing faithful actions. Faith, as it was for the ancient Israelites, is not just a feeling or interior assurance, but is constituted in the real, material world by concrete practices. Faith is skillfully and wisely dealing with strangers, loved ones, money, genitals, and pots and pans. Faith is not usually something that comes in a flash of blinding light, but is built up over time by small actions like saying a prayer for a friend, cutting vegetables at a soup kitchen, putting one’s rear end in a pew every Sunday morning. If faith takes hold, these sort of actions and a thousand others become second nature.

three

Spring is here, finally! Still cold-ish sometimes, but at least I can walk outside with my shoes off again, feet squishing against the grass and cool mud.

More things I like about spring: driving with my windows down again, bare legs, shorts, spring skirts, playing and running outside with the family dog, weekend croquet matches, no more cold weather, birds singing, warm breezes, anything nautical, sunshine.

What are things you like about spring?

four

One of my best friends from college/ Kappa is at culinary school in New York and I miss her a lot. Fortunately, she keeps a blog. Even for a non-foodie like me, I enjoy it. She’s also been tying in Scripture verses to the beginning of her posts lately too, which gives new perspective. Check it out!

Vivy and me running down a hill in Georgia

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My best friend (Bear-Bear, to those unawares) has an incredibly talented younger sister, whom I call Old Sport. Listen to her beautiful song here:

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Doesn’t this song just make you happy? This website on St. Augustine makes me happy too– many thanks to Emina at Illumination for posting it! The libertarian allegory from the Mises Institute of Rebecca Black’s song “Friday” is worth a chuckle too; and, as always, are you reading WSJ’s James Taranto?

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We Bright Maidens had another lovely response to our post this week: saving sex for marriage. I must admit, I was rawther nervous about posting mine, but the responses, either public or private, were overall so gracious, that it made me feel very happy to share my stories and view point. Many thanks to Tito Edwards for featuring mine on National Catholic Register and The Pulp.It as well! AMDG!

In case you missed it:
“The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same” by Julie Robison
“Cut to the Chaste.” by Elizabeth at Startling the Day
“Three Strikes, I’m Out!” by Trista at Not a Minx

This next week’s topic is finally to be revealed…. REVERSION STORIES! How three cradle Catholics “re-discovered” the Church, and why we’ve stayed Catholic. Being friends with Trista and Elizabeth, I can assure the audience that y’all will be in for a treat.

After Lent, we’ll take a one week break, and then resume posts every two weeks. We’d like to invite anyone interested to write alongside us, and post it on our Facebook page! Or e-mail us the link, and we’ll happily post it for you.

Happy Friday, folks! See Conversion Diary for more.