Cootie Shots and Conundrums

TBM Topic 17: Emotional Chastity

“Cootie Shots and Conundrums” by Julie Robison
“Daydream Believers and Emotional Disasters” by Trista at Not a Minx, Moron, or a Parasite
“Easy Bake Love Story” by Elizabeth at Startling the Day

We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We’re here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion on Facebook and Twitter!

In the second grade, I received a cootie shot/ anti-boy inoculation from a retractable lead pencil. Don’t worry, it was given to me by a professional- my seatmate had given them to nearly every other girl in the class too. From then on, I was (mostly) immune to male charms. I was one of the few girls still playing soccer with the boys in junior high. I focused on making good friends, both male and female, in high school. I was realistic about dating in college, following the sage wisdom of my parents: A date isn’t a proposal. A dance isn’t a commitment. Enjoying another person’s company doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together forever.

Emotional chastity is about protecting your heart. It does not mean being unwilling to give it, but rather, give it selflessly, without regard to return. A perfect example of this is Elinor from Sense and Sensibility. She really liked Edward, but when she found out he was secretly engaged to another woman, she protected her feelings and let life play itself out. On the opposite side, her sister Marianne committed crimes of emotional exhibitionism. Fortunately, for us readers as well as both Dashwood sisters, true love wins out in the end.

I’ll give a more probably example: menfolk as friends. I’ve never believed the old adage of “men and women can’t be friends.” I think such generalities are poppycock. Friendship, like love, is a choice and an action. Attraction, on the other hand, is not.

On of the biggest conundrums women face today is the acceptability of “friends with benefits.” Girl meets guy. They become friends. They’re not interested in each other, so they only pursue friendship. Then, something changes. They start to feel attracted towards each other. What then?

One of possibility is to pursue a relationship.

Another possibility is to have a mature conversation and decide friendship is the best course of action.

Then, there is technically a third option. Really, a fraction of a choice, an algebraic mixture of the above: the friendship as the core, plus the heart-break, minus the commitment, and plenty of unknown variables. Friends with benefits is possibly one of the worst violations of emotional chastity. The benefits are purely physical. It is a utilitarian friendship where two people seek something from the other person. Neither party will grow as a human being because humanity needs virtue and goodness, not consensual vices or an emulation of shallowness, to flourish.

Here are two recent Hollywood examples:

Exhibit A, “Friends with Benefits” (2011)

Exhibit B, “No Strings Attached” (2011)

I would like to point out that both movies involve the complication of falling in genuine love with the other person. Do you think anyone would want to watch the movie if the people only submitted to their animalistic natures, opposed to rising above the banal situation towards the true, goodness and beauty of Love?

What a conundrum the modern world is in! Even if one does not participate in the friends-with-benefits arena, watching these type of movies, reading chick lit and endlessly daydreaming about a future with someone you have not had that type of conversation with is hazardous to feminine mental health. The unrealistic expectations set up by thinking about handsome men and allowing one’s mind to wander into fictional romance does not allow the heart to grow towards genuine love, which comes with time, honesty, purpose and virtue.

Self-control, therefore, is what is most needed in emotional chastity. It means not dwelling on the good times. It means not over-analyzing every word a cute guy said to you. It means not planning out one’s future with the man you’ve started dating or just met. It is not easy, and requires constant vigilance. This does not mean one cannot enjoy romance, consider the future or giggle over cuteness. But people want mature love, which can only be achieved through pure intentions and not rushing into emotional bonds.

The best advice I’ve been given on the subject came from my bestie Julia, before I started dating B. It also happens to be the advice I gave her before she started dating her now-husband. To achieve happiness in life, you have to be content with yourself. More importantly, though, you have to be content with your situation.

If you are single and praying every night for love to find you, I suggest praying instead for God to give you purpose in your singleness. This, like most things, may only be a season, and use it as a way to serve God more fully. If you feel called towards the vocation of marriage, God will provide.

If you’re still feeling like you’re in a pickle, I suggest an old-school cootie shot. All you need is a #2 retractable pencil and a second grader to administer a dose of perspective!

Have You Filed Your Taxes?

I almost didn’t write one this week but, nonetheless, here is my volume 20:

one

Today is not, I repeat, not Tax Day. Tax Day was moved to Monday, because there is a holiday of some sort happening in Washington, D.C. Or, if you work at a tax law firm like I do, then every day is Tax Day!

two

Something I read for class, by Catholic Moral Theologian David Bohr:

The Christian life is like this. Faith is not usually a sudden inspiration that comes out of nowhere. Faith is a habit built up over time by doing faithful actions. Faith, as it was for the ancient Israelites, is not just a feeling or interior assurance, but is constituted in the real, material world by concrete practices. Faith is skillfully and wisely dealing with strangers, loved ones, money, genitals, and pots and pans. Faith is not usually something that comes in a flash of blinding light, but is built up over time by small actions like saying a prayer for a friend, cutting vegetables at a soup kitchen, putting one’s rear end in a pew every Sunday morning. If faith takes hold, these sort of actions and a thousand others become second nature.

three

Spring is here, finally! Still cold-ish sometimes, but at least I can walk outside with my shoes off again, feet squishing against the grass and cool mud.

More things I like about spring: driving with my windows down again, bare legs, shorts, spring skirts, playing and running outside with the family dog, weekend croquet matches, no more cold weather, birds singing, warm breezes, anything nautical, sunshine.

What are things you like about spring?

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One of my best friends from college/ Kappa is at culinary school in New York and I miss her a lot. Fortunately, she keeps a blog. Even for a non-foodie like me, I enjoy it. She’s also been tying in Scripture verses to the beginning of her posts lately too, which gives new perspective. Check it out!

Vivy and me running down a hill in Georgia

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My best friend (Bear-Bear, to those unawares) has an incredibly talented younger sister, whom I call Old Sport. Listen to her beautiful song here:

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Doesn’t this song just make you happy? This website on St. Augustine makes me happy too– many thanks to Emina at Illumination for posting it! The libertarian allegory from the Mises Institute of Rebecca Black’s song “Friday” is worth a chuckle too; and, as always, are you reading WSJ’s James Taranto?

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We Bright Maidens had another lovely response to our post this week: saving sex for marriage. I must admit, I was rawther nervous about posting mine, but the responses, either public or private, were overall so gracious, that it made me feel very happy to share my stories and view point. Many thanks to Tito Edwards for featuring mine on National Catholic Register and The Pulp.It as well! AMDG!

In case you missed it:
“The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same” by Julie Robison
“Cut to the Chaste.” by Elizabeth at Startling the Day
“Three Strikes, I’m Out!” by Trista at Not a Minx

This next week’s topic is finally to be revealed…. REVERSION STORIES! How three cradle Catholics “re-discovered” the Church, and why we’ve stayed Catholic. Being friends with Trista and Elizabeth, I can assure the audience that y’all will be in for a treat.

After Lent, we’ll take a one week break, and then resume posts every two weeks. We’d like to invite anyone interested to write alongside us, and post it on our Facebook page! Or e-mail us the link, and we’ll happily post it for you.

Happy Friday, folks! See Conversion Diary for more.

Rolling in the Deep

Hooray for Seven Quick Takes Fridays! I always feel like it’s a giant game of catching up with some of my favorite people. Here’s volume 19, the thick of Julie’s week:

one

I am in love with Adele’s “heartbroken soul” voice. Seriously, listening to anything else pales in comparison. She is on repeat this week.

two

Excited? Oh yes!
I decided that, this week, I needed to take action on a couple things, or else they might never happen. Here’s part of this week’s “Julie is trying to be braver” list:
1. bought my plane tickets to South Korea to visit April (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
2. applied for my passport
3. told Mr. Awkward I was seeing someone
4. didn’t back down from Mr. Aggressive and kept a civil tongue
5. ignored the ticking clock and completed a ridiculous amount of editing and wrote the monthly newsletter; am currently formatting it to send out next week.

Oh, and my Dad let me drive his fabulous little convertible I’ve been dying to drive since he got it. He was so nonchalant about it too- we went downtown, I dropped him off at the tailor’s, then swung around a couple blocks and picked him up for lunch at this fabulous little hole in the wall Italian place that has been around since 1912.

Overall, steady as she goes!

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Another good week for The Bright Maidens. I really appreciate everyone who has commented on the posts and sent us/ me e-mails. Be sure to like us on Facebook too!

This past week’s topic was our issue(s) with the Catholic Church.

Mine: “Going to the Mattresses: One Girl’s Take on Faith and Feelings”
Elizabeth: “Half measures”
Trista: “The Church’s Self-Fulfilling Prophecy”

Next week will be just as scandalous: Why we’re saving sex for marriage! (And it isn’t because we didn’t have the chance.)

Warning: I’ve been reading a lot of natural law theory lately.

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I read so many good articles on this site this week that I just need to plug the whole thing: if you don’t read MercatorNet, you should.

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With all that is happening in the world right now, I think it apt to share this excerpt from Pope Benedict XVI’s encyclical Spe Salvi:

“I will do it. Be made clean”

Like action, suffering [in all its forms] is a part of our human existence. Suffering stems partly from our finitude, and partly from the mass of sin which has accumulated over the course of history, and continues to grow unabated today.

Certainly we must do whatever we can to reduce suffering: to avoid as far as possible the suffering of the innocent; to soothe pain; to give assistance in overcoming mental suffering. These are obligations both in justice and in love, and they are included among the fundamental requirements of the Christian life and every truly human life. Great progress has been made in the battle against physical pain; yet the sufferings of the innocent and mental suffering have, if anything, increased in recent decades.

Indeed, we must do all we can to overcome suffering, but to banish it from the world altogether is not in our power. This is simply because we are unable to shake off our finitude and because none of us is capable of eliminating the power of evil, of sin which, as we plainly see, is a constant source of suffering. Only God is able to do this: only a God who personally enters history by making himself man and suffering within history. We know that this God exists, and hence that this power to “take away the sin of the world” (Jn 1:29) is present in the world. Through faith in the existence of this power, hope for the world’s healing has emerged in history.

(Also, his birthday novena starts today! Join us in praying for Papa B!)

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I discovered the Litany of Humility this week and am intrigued. I think I am going to start praying it, especially since I really struggle with pride. The litany asks for these three graces specifically (although I am sure more will come out of this spiritual exercise as well):

1. to set aside your attempts to make yourself feel “special” through the acceptance and admiration of others;
2. to overcome your repugnance to feeling emotionally hurt by others;
3. to seek the good of others in all things, setting aside all competition, even at your own expense.

The whole Litany of Humility is here.

“To be taken with love for a soul, God does not look on its greatness, but on the greatness of its humility.” —St. John of the Cross, The Sayings of Light and Love

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Thanks goodness it is Friday!!!!! Here are 5/6 of the Robison siblings before I had to dash off to class last night:

We = AWESOME

[Update: My not-pictured-above collegiate brother saw this picture and said he was sad he wasn’t there to finish the puzzle. Mucho amor, brother! I’ll post another one of all six of us when he comes home for Muffy’s play next weekend.]

Happy, happy Friday! Thanks for reading; see Conversion Diary for more.

I Feel Like The Maid! I Just Cleaned Up This Mess!

Week 17:

 

one

This Lent, I’m going to confession at least once a week. It is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

First, I have to find time to do it. Confession is offered in the evenings on Wednesday and on Saturday morning and afternoon. The opportunity is there, but the schedule fills up fast. Knowing I have to go makes me plan my time better.

Second, I am much more aware of my thoughts and actions because I know I will be talking to a priest within days of sinning. How humbling! “Bless me Father, for I have sinned… it had been one week for my last confession.” Fortunately, no priest has said (yet), “Seriously? It’s been a week?” The Dominicans are kind and firm. Confession is a dialogue. I’m not just ticking sins off my fingers, I’m really talking them through with the priest. It has been so rewarding and enlightening, and I always catch myself smiling as I say my penance.

I really encourage all of y’all to make the time to go to confession. I know the longer I wait to go, the more dread I feel. But God already knows your sins! This is you owning up to them, which, admittedly, is the hardest part. But pray for peace and pray for wisdom, and God in his mercy sees your heart.

If anything, think of confession as the “spring cleaning” of your soul!

two

Archbishop Timothy Dolan is the bomb-diggity. Seriously, the Catholic Church is so blessed to have such a man serving us, let alone as our current USCCB president. He gave a kickin’ interview on CBS then wrote this fantastic piece called “An Airport Encounter” after a man approached him, asked if he was a Catholic priest, then said all he can think of are the words “sexual abuser.” The whole thing is worth a read, but here’s an excellent part: 

“Well then, why do we only hear this garbage about you priests,” he inquired, as he got a bit more pensive. 

“We priests wonder the same thing. I’ve got a few reasons if you’re interested.”

He nodded his head as we slowly walked to the carousel.

“For one,” I continued, “we priests deserve the more intense scrutiny, because people trust us more as we dare claim to represent God, so, when on of us do it – even if only a tiny minority of us ever have – it is more disgusting.”

“Two, I’m afraid there are many out there who have no love for the Church, and are itching to ruin us. This is the issue they love to endlessly scourge us with.”

“And, three, I hate to say it,” as I wrapped it up, “there’s a lot of money to be made in suing the Catholic Church, while it’s hardly worth suing any of the other groups I mentioned before.”

Elizabeth Scalia wrote a great piece called “Church is Holy, Scandals are of Man” that is also fantastic! May the Church continue to be blessed with such faithful members and defenders of the faith.

three

These lines from Arrested Development have been making me giggle all week:

 Lucille: Buster can do it. He’s had business classes.

Buster: Wait, 18th century agrarian business. But I guess it’s all the same principals. Let me ask you, are you at all concerned about an uprising?

four

NPR’s ‘This American Life’ had an AMAZING story- listen here for this true act of heroism and redemption.

Synopsis:

James Spring read about two missing girls, thought to have been abducted to Mexico by their parents who were wanted for murder. Spring had wanted to do something that helped someone else, as he turned 40 years old. He decided to try to rescue Viana and Faith Carelli in Baja. He helped return them to their grandparents in Soquel, but the story is more complicated than that.

five

I was recently asked if I was in Debate or if I studied speech at school.

“Nope,” I replied. “I was raised by a lawyer.”

Dad and 3/4 of his daughters

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Join me in:
–Praying for the situation in the Middle East, especially the Christians being martyred.
–Praying for Japan and all people affected.
–Praying for 40 Days for Life, which is happening right now. (And probably in your area! It is Day 17 and 132 lives have been saved! Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!)
–Praying for my family, who are all still grieving the death of my aunt, while dealing with family politics.
–Especially praying for the souls in Purgatory, including my grandmother Jean, great-grandmother Tillie, Aunt Ann and Aunt Tracey.
–Praying for all those struggling to conceive, that adoption may be a viable option.


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Last but certainly not least, this week’s Bright Maidens’ posts on dating exploded across the internet. As of this morning, my “Hillsdating and Other False Realities” has flown over 600 views, which, I admit, surprises me. I did not think this would be a popular post. I was obviously (and happily!) wrong. I think I got the most glee out of all my fellow Hillsdalians full-on support and hilarious comments to me; yes, this is the real world, folks! One friend even offered to print it off and stick it under freshmen doors, as a preventative measure.

Many thanks to Tito Edwards for featuring Elizabeth’s “Christian Commitophobia” (my life story?), Trista’s “Friendship That Lasts” (amazing and Aristotelian) and my 10 Commandments for Dating to The Pulp.It and National Catholic Register! Also, many, many thanks to the numerous other plugs (shout outs to Tony and Marc!) we’ve got this week, and to Peter, et al. for asking me out via the internetz. Thank you!, but I must decline. In a slight twist of fate, today is also the birthday of the guy I am seeing; I think it would be cruel and heartless of me to accept such an invitation on his birthday!

As a consolation prize, you can like The Bright Maidens: Young Catholic Commentary on Facebook. If you like me, like us!

Happy Friday! See Conversion Diary for more.